When All You Wanna Do Is Cry....

So As I said on my very first post, my husband and I have been talking about having a baby for like the past 6 months or so but like a month ago we really decided to try. I was on the Depo birth control shot for around 4 years. I was one of the "lucky" people who didnt have a period at all. Or so I thought it was lucky till I wanted to have a baby. When I went off the shot I still didnt have old aunt flow, which really concerned me. I learned that it tends to be a normal thing to happen after being on the shot. The doctor put me on the pill to try and get my menstrual cycle back on track. I was on the pill one month and when the off week happened I had a really bad period and almost had to go to the ER from losing too much blood. The doc took me off of the pill because of my reaction and guess what, my period stopped again. So I went back on the pill and have been on the pill since march. And thankfully I have had a period every month since. I am actually on it now which might be why I am so emotional about the whole subject. I am trying to lose my last 20-30 lbs before I go off the pill because lets face it I dont want to be an overweight pregnant person. See the thing is I have been really sad and depressed when I see pregnant women since we decided to start trying. Just today I found out that a girl who was pregnant a few months ago and didnt want to baby so she decided to abort it is pregnant again but keeping it this time. And then I find out that a couple I know who really didnt want to get pregnant found out today that they are. I know I should be happy for them but all I feel is angry and slightly pissed off because they didnt want to get pregnant when all my husband and I want is to be parents. I just I feel bad for having those feelings. I am really scared with my problems with the depo shot that its going to make it even harder for us to conceive. I just dont know what to do or how to feel. All I feel like doing is crying. My mom and dad had a lot of trouble getting pregnant with me, it took them 3 years and I just dont want that. I am only 22 years old, I guess I just never would have issues with being so young. I am just scared and sad and I am lost...

When Life Hands You Lemons... What Do You Do?

If you were to have told me 5 years ago where I would be and what I would be doing I never would have believed you. I have pretty much put my life and career on hold and that wasnt something I ever thought I would do. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl but to be honest things that have happened in the last few years has changed my prospective on things. The same can be said for my husband, he was always a very happy and easy going guy until the Army came into our lives and totally turned things upside down for the both of us. Dont get me wrong for some the Army can be great and give you a lot of opportunities but for an Infantryman not so much. My husband is a Grunt, he is the dumbass (pardon my french) that runs towards the bullets when I want him running away from them.lol. I think life would be so much easier if he just had an easy going desk job or anything but 11B. I am proud of him more than anything, but to be completely honest this job has aged us both like 10 years. This is a very stressful job where I never know when he will come home if he does. I know its the army and we are at war but with 11B its so much more intense. He is my hero and I love him to death. I guess it boils down to me missing him all the time and I am tired to missing my husband to be frank. He is works late and is out to the field all the time. It isnt like when he deploys he gets to sit on a nice comfy base where he is safe, when he deploys he is out in the middle of BFE and has mortars fired at his base daily and can hear them flying over where he sleeps at night. I wish he was content with being on some FOB and wanting a comfy safe job. Before the Army, well actually right after he joined and we got married we both used to be so optimistic and looking forward to everything that came our way. Slowly but surely the army has changed all of that and I dont know how to get that back. I want to be a glass half full gal again, I liked things so much more back then but when everything just falls apart and stresses you to the max daily I dont know how to do it. I am hoping and praying that if we can just leave this Post and Bliss and go somewhere else that things will get better or easier at least. I want my carefree optimistic and somewhat innocent husband back but I dont know that with what he has seen if thats even possible anymore. Maybe when we move to a new place I can actually get a job and leave the house without being worried if I am going to get hurt or worse. For those of you that dont know much about El Paso, Texas. Its right across the border from Juarez, Mexico which is extremely not safe. Plus I would say 90-95% of the population are hispanic and probably 60-70% dont speak english and since well my spanish isnt the greatest I was told I would not find a job here. Which means since we have moved here I have had nothing to do and I think that just makes me just that much more glass completely empty. And it makes me miss and yearn for my husband just that much more. I am praying that something changes and soon because I want to have a child and be a mother but I dont want to do it here in Texas. I really hope not all 11B wives have the came experience that I have had.

New Beginings and Life so Far...

Where to start... Well I am 22 years young and I have been married to my best friend and the love of my life since 10 June 2008. I met my husband when I was only 16 years old and its been an amazing adventure since. He is enlisted in the United States Army as an Infantryman, he has been through one deployment and expecting to deploy again next summer some time. I support my husband and everything he stands for and I support our brave soldiers. I have been an army wife for a little over 2 years now and let me tell you this isnt for the faint hearted. We currently have no children but are wanting to be parents more than anything and are going to start trying as soon as I can lose the 50 pounds I gained since we got married and our last deployment. This isnt going to be an easy journey for me but I want to be a mom and I would do anything to do so. We do have a 7 year old Staffordshire Pit Bull Terrier that we have had since she was 5 weeks old, she is our baby and we love her like she came from us. I miss my family so much, I never thought I would miss my mom as much as I do, we have one of those love/hate relationships where all we do is fight and get on one anothers nerves.lol. My parents have been through a lot and are in pretty poor health anymore. my dad has had diabetes since he was 18 when his brother died, he was diagnosed with kidney failure like back in 1999-2000 and he didnt get any worse where he had to go on dialysis till late 2008. He has been battling to get on the transplant list ever since. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005 and thankfully they caught it when it was only stage 1 and with a serious round of radiation she went into remission. This December will mark her 5 year mark and I couldnt be happier. I have 2 half sisters but they have always been more like whole sister. My mom was married once before and my sister where from that marriage. My oldest sister is 15 years older than me and my other sister is 13 years older than my. I am the only child my father has had due to a tubal pregnancy my mom had when I was a toddler. My family has been through a lot but I think that it has only made me appreciate them and love them that much more. My life has had a lot of ups and downs and I have gotten quite a few bumps and bruises along the way but its definitely made life exciting and never dull. Honest I wouldnt have changed anything that has happened along the way because it has made me into the woman I am today!