When Life Hands You Lemons... What Do You Do?

If you were to have told me 5 years ago where I would be and what I would be doing I never would have believed you. I have pretty much put my life and career on hold and that wasnt something I ever thought I would do. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl but to be honest things that have happened in the last few years has changed my prospective on things. The same can be said for my husband, he was always a very happy and easy going guy until the Army came into our lives and totally turned things upside down for the both of us. Dont get me wrong for some the Army can be great and give you a lot of opportunities but for an Infantryman not so much. My husband is a Grunt, he is the dumbass (pardon my french) that runs towards the bullets when I want him running away from them.lol. I think life would be so much easier if he just had an easy going desk job or anything but 11B. I am proud of him more than anything, but to be completely honest this job has aged us both like 10 years. This is a very stressful job where I never know when he will come home if he does. I know its the army and we are at war but with 11B its so much more intense. He is my hero and I love him to death. I guess it boils down to me missing him all the time and I am tired to missing my husband to be frank. He is works late and is out to the field all the time. It isnt like when he deploys he gets to sit on a nice comfy base where he is safe, when he deploys he is out in the middle of BFE and has mortars fired at his base daily and can hear them flying over where he sleeps at night. I wish he was content with being on some FOB and wanting a comfy safe job. Before the Army, well actually right after he joined and we got married we both used to be so optimistic and looking forward to everything that came our way. Slowly but surely the army has changed all of that and I dont know how to get that back. I want to be a glass half full gal again, I liked things so much more back then but when everything just falls apart and stresses you to the max daily I dont know how to do it. I am hoping and praying that if we can just leave this Post and Bliss and go somewhere else that things will get better or easier at least. I want my carefree optimistic and somewhat innocent husband back but I dont know that with what he has seen if thats even possible anymore. Maybe when we move to a new place I can actually get a job and leave the house without being worried if I am going to get hurt or worse. For those of you that dont know much about El Paso, Texas. Its right across the border from Juarez, Mexico which is extremely not safe. Plus I would say 90-95% of the population are hispanic and probably 60-70% dont speak english and since well my spanish isnt the greatest I was told I would not find a job here. Which means since we have moved here I have had nothing to do and I think that just makes me just that much more glass completely empty. And it makes me miss and yearn for my husband just that much more. I am praying that something changes and soon because I want to have a child and be a mother but I dont want to do it here in Texas. I really hope not all 11B wives have the came experience that I have had.